Body concerns have followed me all my life - from being young and very tall - taller than most all the boys - skinny and with braces. Taunts sunk deep into my psyche and colors my opinion of my physical self to this day. Even though I enjoyed some years of conventional beauty - blond, boobs, ass and face (colored as a coloring book) finally conformed to an acceptable configuration - it was never good enough for me. I wasn't wealthy enough to have doctors rearrange my face or body, so I accepted myself, so I thought. And years passed, body softened and beauty changes faces, fades some would say...
Opening to the intimacy of posing nude was one of the last thing I ever thought I would do. After all if I don't like to look at me, surely no one else would. I am a photographer precisely to stand Behind the camera.
Feelings evolved, beginning with curiosity at contacting you; being scared that I actually applied and was accepted; wanting to stop along side the road, on the way to you, to call and cancel; gritting my teeth because I committed to you - to hoping I didn't throw up and maybe I would shrink to nothingness when my clothes fell from me.
And yet, I stood before You - a woman I did not know - and you saw Me. Nervous, scared, fidgety- looking away, looking anywhere but at the camera. I could see You seeing Me. All 62 years of my life written on the curves and skin of my body. Intimate Secrets exposed in a blink of the cameras eye. And you were Gentle. And the camera, if not kind, at the very least honest. You gave me a Gift. To look upon myself as no other but You has seen me. And not cringe but say "Hey, the one's not too bad.
